well, i'm pretty pissed with my 7-years-old-relationship boyfriend.
i had to let it out.
or i'll be looking like an old nenek soon enough.
i tried talking some sense to him.
tried to crack some lame jokes.
tried to hit him when i thought he's just plain d**b
none of that works.
this is my last resort.
jack nicholson says:
I'm going to need you to retard your anger.
so i'm retarding my anger by writing in the blog.
shoot.
it sounds like i'm really retarded.
the reason behind these over-flow hormone writings is i need to channel out my anger.
i'm angry at him.
usually i am angry.
after i heard his melodic voice, i'm his.
so before i give in to him easily,
i feel like i need to express myself about things that i thought he had overlooked.
i was half wishing by now that he will read this blog sooner or later.
i want him to read my essays and at least try to understand me.
maybe by writing in this blog, it will help me in finding the balance in myself.
sometimes i'm just angry about simple,petty things.
if i could write it here,maybe i don't have to scream in front of his face.
besides, he didn't want to bergayut anymore.
what better way to let him know than by writing a blog secretly and trashing him behind his back?
yeah.
i should do this.
wait.
i should have fun doing this.
mental note: i love u babe. ignore the trashing. i overreacted. women. biasalah.
May 25, 2009
the day i nearly forgot that i had you
hi..again.
last night i slept quite late.
having a blast with my brother, jalan-jalan around ipoh at midnight.
though not so many things to see, ipoh literally shut down before 12am,
but it's just really nice to see the street lights.
and most importantly, less car.
we raced.
with myvi.and the damn car couldn't even keep up with us.
then came today.it was so blazing hot.
i had to drink more water than usual.
funny i didn't think of u the moment i open my eyes this mid-afternoon.
i was thinking about mama.
thinking about the fact that she will kill me because i didn't help her in the kitchen.
then after a short shower, i looked at the t-shirt u gave me.
it was lying on the floor.
maybe i throw it away when i was sleeping last night.
it was hot. if it made u feel better, i throw my bantal busuk too.
not just ur shirt.
i picked up the shirt, smelled it.
it smells like u.
then it hit me.
WHAM!!
hey,i have a boyfriend.
then i also realized that u are not here.
i guess it was not wrong for me to ignore u for today.
mama asked me to follow her to this new shop.
it belongs to one of her cousins.
the shop sells second hand clothes including shirts, jeans, bag, shoes, u name it.
i bought a few shirts, a few bags and i was looking for skirts.
but they just opened the shop today. they were still unpacking things.
i'll promise the auntie to come again next week.
maybe i'll buy more stuff there.
wait.
why did i look for skirts?
i have an awful leg.
its fat and ugly.
oh yeah..
its for u.
i still remember u told me about how u find me cute in skirts.
short skirts, to be exact.
and here i am, pissed with ur attitude but am still looking for skirts.
just to please u.
ain't life a bitch?
i don't understand myself most of the time.
i wish i could be much stronger and have the strength to ignore u for days.
went missing or unreachable.
i want to run away from u as far as possible so u can't hurt me.
but i find myself crawling back at u each time i tried to do that.
well i had to agree with xyhime.
this relationship is distructive.
sado-masochism.
u treat me like i'm a piece of garbage, though its unhealthy, but i let u to treat me like one.
pathetic.
since i had a lot of fun shopping with mama, i nearly forgot about u.
i find that quite amusing
u see, u never really left my mind.
sometimes, when i'm strong enough, i'll be able to forget about u for the whole day.
but that happens like once in a pink,green,yellowish moon.
u're always on my mind.
though it sounds corny and stupid, but its true.
do i really hope to forget u?
even just for a day?
i would stick to plain no.
maybe i'll let u slip off my mind for a few hours.
then i'll think of some things that u've said, or things that u do
i'll remember u back in seconds.
mama cooked some tasty meals today.
i felt like i want to keep some for u.
tomorrow's monday.
u'll be back home.
maybe i could save some of the food for u.
see?
do u see?
i always think about u.
damn!
i should rewrite the title.
"the-day-i-nearly-thought-i-had-forgot-u-but-i'm-actually-fooling-my-mind-how-can-i-forget-u-coz-u're-stuck-in-my-head-like-a-damn-glue"
yep.
that should do it.
last night i slept quite late.
having a blast with my brother, jalan-jalan around ipoh at midnight.
though not so many things to see, ipoh literally shut down before 12am,
but it's just really nice to see the street lights.
and most importantly, less car.
we raced.
with myvi.and the damn car couldn't even keep up with us.
then came today.it was so blazing hot.
i had to drink more water than usual.
funny i didn't think of u the moment i open my eyes this mid-afternoon.
i was thinking about mama.
thinking about the fact that she will kill me because i didn't help her in the kitchen.
then after a short shower, i looked at the t-shirt u gave me.
it was lying on the floor.
maybe i throw it away when i was sleeping last night.
it was hot. if it made u feel better, i throw my bantal busuk too.
not just ur shirt.
i picked up the shirt, smelled it.
it smells like u.
then it hit me.
WHAM!!
hey,i have a boyfriend.
then i also realized that u are not here.
i guess it was not wrong for me to ignore u for today.
mama asked me to follow her to this new shop.
it belongs to one of her cousins.
the shop sells second hand clothes including shirts, jeans, bag, shoes, u name it.
i bought a few shirts, a few bags and i was looking for skirts.
but they just opened the shop today. they were still unpacking things.
i'll promise the auntie to come again next week.
maybe i'll buy more stuff there.
wait.
why did i look for skirts?
i have an awful leg.
its fat and ugly.
oh yeah..
its for u.
i still remember u told me about how u find me cute in skirts.
short skirts, to be exact.
and here i am, pissed with ur attitude but am still looking for skirts.
just to please u.
ain't life a bitch?
i don't understand myself most of the time.
i wish i could be much stronger and have the strength to ignore u for days.
went missing or unreachable.
i want to run away from u as far as possible so u can't hurt me.
but i find myself crawling back at u each time i tried to do that.
well i had to agree with xyhime.
this relationship is distructive.
sado-masochism.
u treat me like i'm a piece of garbage, though its unhealthy, but i let u to treat me like one.
pathetic.
since i had a lot of fun shopping with mama, i nearly forgot about u.
i find that quite amusing
u see, u never really left my mind.
sometimes, when i'm strong enough, i'll be able to forget about u for the whole day.
but that happens like once in a pink,green,yellowish moon.
u're always on my mind.
though it sounds corny and stupid, but its true.
do i really hope to forget u?
even just for a day?
i would stick to plain no.
maybe i'll let u slip off my mind for a few hours.
then i'll think of some things that u've said, or things that u do
i'll remember u back in seconds.
mama cooked some tasty meals today.
i felt like i want to keep some for u.
tomorrow's monday.
u'll be back home.
maybe i could save some of the food for u.
see?
do u see?
i always think about u.
damn!
i should rewrite the title.
"the-day-i-nearly-thought-i-had-forgot-u-but-i'm-actually-fooling-my-mind-how-can-i-forget-u-coz-u're-stuck-in-my-head-like-a-damn-glue"
yep.
that should do it.
May 23, 2009
the day you told me long hours phone calls are for teenagers
well..hi.
since u told me just now that u had difficulty in talking long hours over the phone, so i decided not to torture u anymore.
from now on, u can call me and make the phone call as brief as possible and u can hang up anytime u want.
well its u who can't talk long now. not me.
i enjoyed listening to ur voice everyday. it's like a drug to me. i had to listen to ur voice.
i need to know that u're doing ok. and i want to tell u everything that happens on that day.
guess u got tired of the same inane and meaningless conversation that we had over these few years.
which i had enjoyed them to fullest bit.
i really had to remind myself that i'm still young and u're old.
i still have the strength to hold the phone and listen to u mumbling ur way over things.
guess i'm stronger. and u're not.
so since we aren't going to talk much on the phone now, i'll just email u whatever things that i wanted to tell u.
i know that u don't read ur email often.
which is none of my business.
i know that u don't have the mood to reply. i'll just write anyway.
it seems only logical to me that we need to stay in touch.
we didn't sms each other much.
we didn't see each other more than once in a week.
we didn't email each other often.
we didn't chat through YM.
and now we won't be talking on the phone.
i mean, we'll talk. but i won't say so much cause i don't want u to be tired holding the phone.
poor baby.
wouldn't dream of making that fragile looking hands of urs screaming in pain because of me.
well everything seems to be perfectly boring today.
i'm jobless and i'm bored with my vacation.
its like i don't anything exciting to look forward for tomorrow.
no money, so it means i can't waste my time at the nearest pasar raya
same routine everyday.
i purposely woke up late everyday so that i won't notice the time.
then today i had my shower and my skin itch again.
it makes me wonder,i had used the recommended soap but i still had these annoying itchiness.
after that, i noticed that my kittens were screaming and their eyes were begging for food.
just realized that their food was already finished!the bottle was empty.
so i had to rush to the shop and bought them Whiskas.
treat them with nice food since they have been dutifully loyal accompanying me everyday. pretending to be my only friend.
after that, obviously i waited for ur much anticipated call.
i knew u were going away again. i'm getting sad. but had to be tough. had to endure this.
then the moment arrived!u called!listen to ur musical voice for a while then u cracked the news.
"i dah x reti bergayut dengan u"
great.
well i'll spare u from all the details about how hurt it felt.u don't have to know.
then i called farah and we talked.
its nice to hear a familiar voice once in a while.
i feel like i actually have a friend.
we make plans about next week.
i'm thinking to go back to penang earlier.no use of staying here too long.
then i focus my energy in doing some house chores. mama will be back soon.
today i managed to sweet talk papa to buy me some durians.
been dreaming to eat those for weeks
so we went to pasir putih and bought three big-sized durians and three kilos of mangosteen.
after that, we stopped by at tesco to buy some vege and bread. planning to eat home made burgers tonight.
naim will be back today.i had to pick him up around 12am at the railway station.
watch tv,had dinner,eat durians.
thats about it.
i'll write again.
maybe tomorrow if i'm still feeling uptight like this.
mental note: thanks for actually calling before u leave for ur home town.thanks for the sms too.
till then.
since u told me just now that u had difficulty in talking long hours over the phone, so i decided not to torture u anymore.
from now on, u can call me and make the phone call as brief as possible and u can hang up anytime u want.
well its u who can't talk long now. not me.
i enjoyed listening to ur voice everyday. it's like a drug to me. i had to listen to ur voice.
i need to know that u're doing ok. and i want to tell u everything that happens on that day.
guess u got tired of the same inane and meaningless conversation that we had over these few years.
which i had enjoyed them to fullest bit.
i really had to remind myself that i'm still young and u're old.
i still have the strength to hold the phone and listen to u mumbling ur way over things.
guess i'm stronger. and u're not.
so since we aren't going to talk much on the phone now, i'll just email u whatever things that i wanted to tell u.
i know that u don't read ur email often.
which is none of my business.
i know that u don't have the mood to reply. i'll just write anyway.
it seems only logical to me that we need to stay in touch.
we didn't sms each other much.
we didn't see each other more than once in a week.
we didn't email each other often.
we didn't chat through YM.
and now we won't be talking on the phone.
i mean, we'll talk. but i won't say so much cause i don't want u to be tired holding the phone.
poor baby.
wouldn't dream of making that fragile looking hands of urs screaming in pain because of me.
well everything seems to be perfectly boring today.
i'm jobless and i'm bored with my vacation.
its like i don't anything exciting to look forward for tomorrow.
no money, so it means i can't waste my time at the nearest pasar raya
same routine everyday.
i purposely woke up late everyday so that i won't notice the time.
then today i had my shower and my skin itch again.
it makes me wonder,i had used the recommended soap but i still had these annoying itchiness.
after that, i noticed that my kittens were screaming and their eyes were begging for food.
just realized that their food was already finished!the bottle was empty.
so i had to rush to the shop and bought them Whiskas.
treat them with nice food since they have been dutifully loyal accompanying me everyday. pretending to be my only friend.
after that, obviously i waited for ur much anticipated call.
i knew u were going away again. i'm getting sad. but had to be tough. had to endure this.
then the moment arrived!u called!listen to ur musical voice for a while then u cracked the news.
"i dah x reti bergayut dengan u"
great.
well i'll spare u from all the details about how hurt it felt.u don't have to know.
then i called farah and we talked.
its nice to hear a familiar voice once in a while.
i feel like i actually have a friend.
we make plans about next week.
i'm thinking to go back to penang earlier.no use of staying here too long.
then i focus my energy in doing some house chores. mama will be back soon.
today i managed to sweet talk papa to buy me some durians.
been dreaming to eat those for weeks
so we went to pasir putih and bought three big-sized durians and three kilos of mangosteen.
after that, we stopped by at tesco to buy some vege and bread. planning to eat home made burgers tonight.
naim will be back today.i had to pick him up around 12am at the railway station.
watch tv,had dinner,eat durians.
thats about it.
i'll write again.
maybe tomorrow if i'm still feeling uptight like this.
mental note: thanks for actually calling before u leave for ur home town.thanks for the sms too.
till then.
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