Please God, give her chance...

Dear readers...

Sadly to inform you guys that the owner of this blog had been to car incident. It happen on 01/08 (Sunday). She's in not good condition, suffer from lot of injuries plus broken bones and bleeding on her head. She's in coma.

so, if anyone's reading this blog, PLEASE make a pray for her. She might need that, and i'm really appreciate it.


Baby, be strong, wat ever happen, don't give up, fight for ur life, fight for ur family, and the most important, fight for me. Lots of thing we need to do, and i cant do it by my self. i need you..

Please baby, be strong...
Please God, give her chance...

Recap!!!

hi babydoll...
u sgt comel!!!

hmm ada beberapa insiden yg telah berlaku lately
i need to recap everything

1.saya sedang busy honeymoon dengan baby.honeymoon meaning balik sesuka hati ke ipoh.contohnya hari ahad kerja,hari isnin kerja,hari selasa kerja,pastu balik ipoh,rabu pagi drive ke jeli kerja,rabu petang balik ipoh,khamis pagi dtg jeli kerja,petang balik ipoh smpai ahad pagi.hehe.mcm tu lah jadual sekarang.so far my life byk dihabiskan dgn memandu.bila balik,berkepit dgn baby.ohh indahnya dunia.

2.baru2 ini baby bwk pegi ke kebun buahnya di kampung plang,grik.semasa baby-ku memanjat pokok manggis ala2 perwira zaman dahulu,saya di bawah pokok mengutip buah.sungguh lazat buah manggis milik kebun baby.dapatla 12 bijik kot.selepas itu berlakulah perbualan ini;

baby:cuba u check kaki u.kot ada pacat.kebun plang ada pacat.
me:tamau.i takut.nanti i menjerit.[sambil menyelak seluar jeans]
baby:ada ke?
me:xde pun.[inspection dibuat pada kaki kiri]
baby:u check sampai lutut la.
me:ok.[baru sahaja menyelak seluar jeans di kaki kanan]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
berhenti!berhenti![menjerit seperti dirasuk hantu sambil menangis]
baby;kih kih kih.ok2.i cari tempat redup.
me:[DI DALAM HATI:WHAT THE F**K DIA NAK CARI TEMPAT REDUP?BERENTI JE LA..CABUT PACAT NI DARI KAKI KUUUUUUUUUU........]

maka di-cabotlah pachat itu dari kaki ku.bersembur2 air liur ku menyumpah existence pacat di dunia ini.cis.sampai sekarang masih lebam kaki yek.
ye memang cerita ni xbest pun.tapi untuk orang yg kampungnya di pekan,bila masuk kampung memang macam ni la jadiknya.kena gigit pacat pun nak freak out.siot je.baby gelak guling2.sungguh memalukan.

3.baby belikan bunga.oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh....xpernah menerima bunga sepanjang hayat.rasa dia best jugak eh.walaupun bunga xboleh dimakan,tapi agak syahdu rasanya.hehe.baby belikan sejambak bunga ros yg disertakan dengan bunga apa ntah yg kecik2 tu.ada gambar tapi xde kabel phone,so xbley upload.siap baby tabur rose petals satu rumah.sgt extremely romantic.my baby tu mcm ketua terrorist ganasnya.tapi sanggup belikan bunga untuk girlfriend.hmm comelnya u ni.thanks babydoll.i'll remember the day u balik from outstation,letih dan xcukup tido,tapi masih sempat buat quick pit stop belikan bunga untuk i.u have no idea how much i nak pengsan time tu.overwhelmed dengan kasih sayang.hehehehe.

4.we broke up.worst 48 hours of my life.i cheat behind his back.by miracle,he accept me back in his life.we're back together.after excruciatingly begging him over and over to forgive me.what i have done,was unforgiven.i wish i could undo everything.but i couldn't.we just have to live trough it.i know know what love means.he showed me.again and again.

5.he told me countless time he loved me.

6.he told me that i belong to him.his private property.

7.i listen to what he says.which is crazy.i rarely listen to him.i am like a force of nature.i don't bend to anybody.but due to recent events and recent discoveries,i knew i want to listen to him.i knew i want to please him,in any way i could.i knew i want to make it up to him after what he had to go through.

8.i will never hurt him again.i will never repeat what i did.i will be good.for i am his.


mental note:macam ada banyak lagi.but i can't remember.sebab my mind tengah occupied dengan baby.looking forward to create more memories with you.

Lagu untuk Iqbal

The shadows are waltzing
The moon beams are calling
Like a dream I am falling into
Silver threads lined with two twinkling stars seem
To shine just for you

Behind your eyes
Are endless blue skies
You travel places I want to come to
Each breath that you breathe is a brush stroke
That leads me to you

So, sleep
Fall into night’s sender, go you
Believe me it’s true
There’s nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams for you

It seems far away
But there once was a day
It was grey in a world without you
To this heart like a doll from above
A miracle of your love found me

So, sleep
Fall into night’s sender, go you
Believe me it's true
There’s nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams for you

So hush-a-by
And don’t you cry
Sweetly dream, little baby

Yes, sleep
Lose yourself in night’s sender, go you
Believe me it’s true
There’s nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams
Yes, my dream is sweet dreams for you


mental note:this song is perfect for you.i love u.now,forever and always.

honeymoon:reconnect.pure bliss

sepeti biasa,
hi baby.
i really miss u.

as i was writing this,
i'm currently sitting in front of my pc,
glancing once in a while dekat tv
(cerita apa ntah,tapi biasala dah lewat mlm gini,astro bukan best pun)
and i'm getting hungry.hehe
u mesti akan cakap,
"lapar je u ni..kita gi makan nak?"

i still belum dapat tido lagi
dah pkul 5 pagi,tapi i masih berjaga
part of the reason,of course sebab u xada.
its quite difficult trying to go to sleep without having u next to me
selalunya u akan ada sebelah i
tonight i agak blur dan agak sunyi
xada sapa nak ajak gusti,
terpaksa tgk siaran ulangan bola sorang2,
makan aiskrim magnum mini xshare dgn u,
dan most importantly,xdapat sembang2 dgn u.
before u leave u told me that i won't be alone
that u will be with me
i peluk bantal u,
put on your shirt,
guna towel u (hehe sorry!)
dan gelak kuat2 bila tgk tv,buat mcm i tgh gelak dgn u.
xbest mcm ni b
i nak u ada.

i told u before yg i know that good things doesn't last forever.
i knew that u xboleh give me so much attention all the time
i knew that this honeymoon had to stop.
but that is what i'm afraid of
i takut bila things goes back to normal
i dah xdapat attention mcm ni
hmmmmm.....
i ni mengada2
i patut thankful dengan apa yg i ada sekarang
its ok baby
we can go back to being normal
i can handle it
because we're together

b,
things that we had to go thorugh lately
makes me appreciate u even more.
i'm glad i confessed.
i'm glad that we're able to go through the whole process
walaupun ada yg best,ada yg xbest
but i'm glad i'm being honest to u
and i'm glad that both of us fight to be together.
u don't have to worry.
it will never happen again.
i've learned my lesson.
i know how terrible i feel not having u around
i menangis non stop for two days
i xboleh tido
i couldn't stop thinking what will happen to us,to my life
i don't want to feel that ever again.

thank you for the flowers.
i don't know what to say
its beautiful.
and i know u wouldn't buy me the flowers if u don't love me enough
for a man like u,
what u did shows how much i mean to u.

baby,things that i wrote here doesn't even match what i feel right now.
i love u so much.
and these past few weeks,
u make me fall in love with u again.and again.and again.and again.
i'm afraid to be separated from u
i takut i rindukan u
i nak ada sebelah u all the time
and u ada dengan i sepanjang masa.
i hope i boleh survive bila honeymoon ni habis.
i buat mcm u cakap,
i simpan dalam hati.
and i tahu siapa i.

baby,i miss u so much.
cepat2 habiskan kerja u
dan cepat2 balik ok.
i tunggu u dkat rumah.mcm biasa.
and i get to hold u like always.
tomorrow night,kita makan aiskrim magnum mini tu sama2 ok
and kita tak paah tido ok.
kita sembang2 je smpai pagi.
(oohh shit,i kena pegi sekolah)
xpe,i still nak sembang2 dgn u and look at u all night.

baby,i'm thankful to have u.
i'm thankful for us to still be together.
i'm thankful that u paid me so much attention and said u love me again and again.
we'll be creating more memories
because we'll be together forever.
kan baby?
bunyinya sgt dramatik
tapi betul kan b?
kita stay sama2 sampai bila2 kan?
i baby u sampai bila2 kan?
i tahu i baby u
and i tahu kita akan survive apa pun masalah sama2
i tahu yg bila i umur 70,i'm still your baby.
your woman.
yours.

mental note: i secretly hope u balik malam ni.hehe.i really really miss u.u have no idea how much.oh by the way,u dah kena gigit dgn lintah ke belum?




i love u ikhtiari iqbal.
hurry home.

A true story about an ungrateful little cactus

One story to share with you guys... maybe worth to read or maybe just another ungrateful stories.


Once upon a time there was a little cactus, who lived on the back shelves of a flower shop, long forgotten, hoping for someone to come and take it home. But nobody came or notice it, neither did they pick it. Then, just when the little cactus lost all hope, I came by and spotted the sad little plant.

I bought it right away and took it home with me. From then on I looked after the little cactus for years and years with tender loving care by feeding and watering and looking after it, just as a little cactus deserves it. As a result, the little cactus grew over the years and became a huge, proud, fully grown cactus!

One day, then I went over to the cactus and wanted to reach a plant right next to it. I leaned over and …. The huge cactus grabbed me from behind and released its poisonous pricks into my thick jumper! No matter, I thought to myself, laughing, thank god, it’s winter time and I am wearing such a thick woolly jumper! Took it off and pulled out the three-four long pricks, sticking out of the back of my jumper sleeve! You see, its easy! Nothing can hurt me,
I thought!!!

.end of the story

Thanks God I'm so cool and What the fuck am i doing here...



as the Captain said to King Leonidas

Heart...
i have filled my heart... with hate

A walk to remember

sebelum blog ni menjadi panjang,
first and foremost,
hi baby.

i've been meaning to write about us.
but i just couldn't find the right time.
been really busy (but of course, u know that!)
sibuk dgn acara memanah la,
kelas tambahan malam la,
entertain 'org2 tertentu' la (hehe)
dan yang latest sekali,
bz menggatal. (damn)

baby,i tulis entry ini ialah untuk u.
and i nak explain.

baby,i'm sorry.
i xtahu kenapa i boleh distracted and encourage attitude i tu.
he's just another person yang i jumpa dalam life i.
he means NOTHING.
i malu untuk mengaku yang i pun sama melayan,
but that's the truth.
i xmahu guna alasan u bz atau i boring untuk menutup kesilapan yg i dah buat.
how could i even consider balas sms2 yang dia hantar?
i ada u!
bila difikirkan semula,what i did was really really STUPID.
i sanggup take risk yang boleh menghancurkan apa yang kita built selama ni.
serious b.
i malu dengan perangai macam ni.
i sepatutnya stay cool dan ignore semua temptation ni.
i've been with u for so long
and u sgt2 faham i.
u've been with me through thick and thin,
and yet here i am,
ruining everything.

tapi u sgt cool dan sabar dgn i.
b,dekat mana lagi i nak cari org mcm u?
i've learned so much from u
u taught me (almost) everything that u knew.
mcm u cakap tadi,
"i sedang membina empayar untuk u"
baby,i thank to god that i've found u.
tanpa u,
i xada apa.
i'm just ordinary me.
i mungkin cerdik,tapi u yang guide i untuk gunakan knowledge yang i ada.

u've been one of my greatest supporter.
u ada dgn i dan bantu i untuk go through segala jenis masalah.
selagi u ada,i feel like i could be anything.
u bagi i rasa macam i ni sgt2 bagus,sgt2 pandai,
i nak impress u every single day (although i tahu u bukan kesah pun, u tetap sayang i)
i nak u rasa proud dengan i.
i nak rasa special di mata u.
u make me feel like i could own the world.
u make me feel so strong.
i terhutang budi dengan u.
sampai bila2.

now kita bukan sekadar a couple,
we're business partners.
i find that working with u ada ups and downs.
u sgt fucking genius (i had to say that!)
but very demanding.
and sometimes perfectionist (haha)
but genius nak mati.
and i learned so much from u,b.
hmm u dah best macam ni sekali pun i still boleh berfoya-foya di belakang u.
damn.
i rasa mcm i sgt keji.
u sgt best.
i ni mcm pengkhianat.
i'm sorry baby.
of course u pun ada time u buat perangai yg agak pelik,
but i can deal with it.
this time,
i dah melampau.
i lupa u b!
can u imagine?
u sentiasa ada dlm mind i.
i xtahu mcm mana i boleh 'lupa' u.
gila lah i ni.

but no worries baby,
i dah sedar yg mana yg i boleh buat,
dan yg mana yg i xboleh buat.
i xnak lose u.
what i did was really stupid.
i wish not to repeat the same mistake.
i treasure what we have.
i hope u feel the same.

by the way,
i love u.
always.

mental note:baby,i memang suka tulis karangan panjang2.hehe.

**ini ialah something yang perlu distapler di minda saya:

The Ungrateful, A True Betrayal..!!!


nite bubu
-muah-

i'm-big-and-chunky-yeahh

pada pagi ini,saya tiada kertas peperiksaan yang perlu ditanda,
tiada peperiksaan yang perlu dijaga dan connection internet pagi ini,
wow hebatnya.
mesti baru bayar bil semalam.
hehe.
so hari ni saya mau blogging.

pertama sekali,saya mau blogging tentang tujuan blog ini ditulis.
selalunya bila saya bergaduh dengan bubu,
saya tidak dapat mengadu kepada sesiapa.
jadi saya telah menjadikan blog ini sebagai tempat untuk
trash-ing bubu,mengamuk,membebel dan tulis apa yang saya sepatutnya luahkan pada dia.
but since my bubu sgt2 cool,
so setiap kali gaduh pun dia akan buat xtahu
and act like nothing happenned,
so i had to let all this frustation out.
then,wujudlah blog ni.
semua yang xpuas hati tu tulis kat sini.
biar pun xdpt cakap dgn bubu,
but at least,bengang xtanggung sorang2.
ala,nanti bubu baca jugak blog ni.
dia akan tau jugak eventually.

perkara kedua,saya mau blog tentang bubu saya.
fyi,he's quite a catch.
super cool,super penyabar and super best.
selalu saya terfikir why we are still together
walaupun actually dah hampir 8tahun bersama-sama.
bubu ni dia x boring ke?
for me,
kenapa mau boring jika boyfren anda best?
memberikan kegembiraan di dalam pelbagai bentuk.
my baby,he's the best.
walaupun kadang-kala dia menjengkelkan,
tapi deep down, i know he loves me.
(heheh.malu lah!)
to be fair,i'm not exactly easy to work with.
i'm a tough broad,tau.
so bubu,
kira kita ni best la dpt stay strong until this very day.
ooohhhh...saya sangat sayang sama bubu tauuuu...
(xde point pun tulis mcm tu.tapi what the heck.blog aku.lantaklah.)

oklah bubu.
i had to stop writing.
i had people around me.
the point is,
i miss you and can't wait to be home with you again.
so tunggu i balik hari khamis ni ok.
kita continue apa yang kita start last week.
you still owe me satu jag air oren.

mental note:cepatlah hari khamis.i dah rasa macam nak lari dari sekolah pun ada.

the day i felt my heart almost burst with pride

dear baby
i'm in love with you
no matter how many times i've said this
it never seems to bore me
each time i look at you
i fell in love again.and again.

as i watch you sleeping soundly in front of me
i couldn't help but to feel proud
and happy
to know that you're mine.

err i nak membebel lagi and tulis dlm blog ni i sayang u dan bla bla bla
tapi i nampak u dah bergerak2
so i had to stop here
nanti i tulis lagi

mental note:u busuk.semalam makan kerdas.ewwww.......hehehe

antara kerja dengan bopreng

hari ni disebabkan boring terlampau
dan aku dah dapat rasa yang xakan ada apa2 bentuk
produktiviti yang akan dicapai,
maka aku terpanggil untuk menulis tentang satu persamaan yang agak ketara
iaitu antara kerja dan boyfren.
kedua-duanya sama sahaja iaitu menjengkelkan.
ada masa2 di mana aku rasa macam bertuah dan beruntung
tetapi ada juga masa yang aku rasa macam nak cakap,
"oh biarlah aku mati sahaja"(itu aku terjemah dari cerita orang putih ntah apa tajuknya)
ini adalah kerana kedua-dua benda ini amat bersangkut paut antara satu sama lain.
persamaaan mudah:
jika boyfren berperangai huduh,aku malas kerja.
jika kerja aku xseronok,aku mahu berhenti.(haha)lalu dimarahi boyfren
lalu boyfren aku akan buat perangai,dan aku akan malas kerja lagi.
peristiwa ini akan berlaku berulang kali sehingga aku pun jadik fedap.
adakah orang segila aku?
ada...
aku la.

fenomena menyampah dengan boyfren(dan secara berdiam-dirinya berdoa "alangkah bagusnya aku ada boyfren lain") seringkali terjadi apabila boyfren aku membuat keputusan untuk mengabaikan aku dan pergi melayan orang-orang lain yang dianggap lebih penting.
ini berlaku kerana acapkali apabila sedang mengawal angin nak mengamuk atau aku di ambang menjerit sambil menangis, aku akan dengan berlagaknya mengishtiharkan
"aku ni kan kuat.xde hal la benda2 ni"

walau aku seringkali terasa aku la yang bodoh di dalam hal-hal ini,namun kebodohan orang lain juga tidak lah boleh dipandang ringan.
contohnya kebodohan boyfren, kebodohan kerja, kebodohan orang yang ingin guna mesin atm tapi xreti(dan masih xmahu minta tolong orang.berdiri la tercegat depan mesin atm tekan2 semua butang.dia ingat ni macam pertandingan tekan butang kot.sapa paling banyak tekan,dia paling bodoh.)dan lain-lain lagi.
juga perlu diambil berat ialah kebodohan aku sendiri.
contohnya:
1)lain kali bila sapa2 mintak tolong,cepat2 cakap xreti sambil buat muka bangang
2)selalu cakap duit xcukup walaupun ada sebenarnya.supaya semua perbelanjaan (minyak,duit makan dan bil) akan ditanggung beres.
3)bila cukup kuat,marah je boyfren kau2 sebab kalau dipendam,sendiri yang sakit hati.dia akan terus buat xtahu dan aku akan terus rasa macam cekik dia bila dia tengah tido.

dah la.
tetiba rasa boring membebel pasal ikbal.
hari-hari pun ikbal.
macam xde topik lain.
baik tulis nama blog ni "blogikbal"

nota dalam minda:saja je eja nama salah.hahaha.bukannya aku xtahu ejaan nama sebenar.kalau salah eja nama,nampak la bangang sket.xkirala tuan punya blog atau tuan punya nama yang bangang.sama je.

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.

I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

alangkah bagusnya kalau kita xsembang pasal duit

sekarang ni macamrutin harian
cakap dalam telefon
topik utama ialah forex, saya benci kerja saya, gaduh, cakap sesuatu yang lucah, forex, dan penjimatan duit.
dan masuk gua, i letih, saya xsuka duduk kelantan, saya nak balik, i xde mood, forex dan pening kepala duit xada.

alangkah bagusnya kalau cakap dalam telefon benda2 yang tak memeningkan kepala.
contohnya:
1) dah makan?
2) hari ni makan apa? (tunggu jawapan...) wow!sedapnya..
3) kenapa hari ni panas? dekat ipoh hujan x?
4) nanti kita pegi jalan2 nak x?
5) i miss u lagi.walaupun kita cakap dalam telefon setiap hari.

tapi tu semua hanya harapan saje.nama tajuk entri ni pun alangkah bagusnya kalau..
macam tok moh dulu pernah cakap,
"kalau semuanya kalau aje..baik cakap kan best kalau babi boleh terbang.."
hehe.

pengumuman yang tidak penting

mulai dari hari ini,aku tidak lagi akan menggunakan bahasa inggeris sebagai bahasa pengantara.
aku akan menggunakan bahasa kebangsaan negara kita.
ini adalah kerana,hanya orang cerdik-pandai sahaja yang mampu menggunakan bahasa antarabangsa tersebut.
aku ini bekerja sebagai tukang cat rumah,tidak seharusnya menunjuk pandai.
juga tidak seharusnya ada blog.
(anggaplah blog ini jiran aku yang tolong daftarkan)

aku juga berharap tidak akan berfikir seperti orang cerdik.
aku hanya akan berfikiran cetek (seperti mana yang aku dah buat sepanjang hidup aku)
dan bercakap tentang benda2 yang kurang bijak sahaja.

perbualan beberapa jam lepas telah menmbuatkan aku tersedar yang hidup ini hanya ada satu.
jika tidak menjadi bodoh sekarang,bila lah lagi?

nota di dalam kepala: xboleh simpan nota di dalam kepala.itu terlalu tinggi tahapnya untuk pencacai seperti aku.tulis dalam buku lain kali.

aku bukan anak orang kaya

sesuai dengan tajuk di atas,
hari ni aku akan bercakap tentang betapa tak kayanya aku
untuk penegetahuan yg membaca blog ni,
kereta bmw yang aku pakai sekarang hanyalah kereta pinjam semata-mata
tuan punya kereta telah membenarkan aku meminjam kereta tersebut
tanpa sebarang syarat.
segala kerosakan dan pembaikpulihan kereta telah ditanggung sepenuhnya oleh tuan punya kereta.
aku hanya menambah duit bila perlu dan kerosakan tu urgent.
walaupun nama kereta tersebut tealh didaftarkan di atas nama aku,namun aku hanyalah pemandu tumpang sahaja.
ini adalah fakta pertama untuk membuktikan aku bukan anak orang kaya.

aku memang suka shopping.
perangai buruk ini telah aku pelajari semasa belajar di pulau pinang.
ketika itu,aku berkawan dengan ramai anak orang kaya.
mereka ini memang rajin shopping.
xkirala window shopping atau shopping betul-betul,
setiap kali ada kelapangan masa,mesti pegi me-round shopping complex dan beli la benda ntah hapa-hapa yg harganya agak mahal juga.
maka aku,seorang anak orang miskin,hanya mampu mengekor sahaja.
bila elaun masuk,baru la aku rasa setaraf dengan kawan-kawan aku,lalu aku pun turut shopping sama.
aku seringkali dimarahi oleh bapakku kerana cepat perabiskan duit yang diberi.aku hanya diberi rm50 untuk tempoh 5 hari.mana lagi nak mengisi minyak kereta(xada duit tapi ada hati nak pakai kereta) dan mana lagi nak mengikut nafsu nak makan itu dan ini,maka setiap kali cukup 5 hari, aku akan telefon bapakku dan meminta duit lagi.
setiap kali cuti semester,aku akan bekerja part time kerana dengan menggunakan duit itulah aku dapat beli baju baru,spenda baru dan gantikan baju dalam lama yang dah kendur2 talinya.dapat jugak aku tengok wayang,pegi makan kfc dan topup hanset.
kalau aku anak orang kaya,dah tentunya aku goyang kaki di rumah dan mintak je dengan bapakku duit untuk beli baju baru.
tapi sejak aku belajar di maktab,bapakku tidak lagi memberi aku apa2 duit untuk membeli baju baru (kecuali bila dia dapat payment besar).bapakku menganggap aku mempunyai banyak duit untuk membeli apa2 yang aku mahu.
jadi,kerana aku bukan anak orang kaya,maka aku kerja di waktu cuti supaya dapat beli baju baru.

aku bernasib baik kerana selepas habis spm,terus dapat masuk maktab perguruan.selepas berhempas pulas buat assignment dan presentation yang aku rasa dah beratus kali aku buat dengan cemerlangnya,maka aku pun tamat belajar dan kini kerja jadik cikgu.
bukanlah profession pilihan,tapi sebab aku bukan anak orang kaya,maka aku terpaksala kerja je apa yang ada di depan mata.
kalau aku anak orang kaya,aku boleh pilih nak kerja apa,dekat mana dan gaji berapa.
tapi aku bukan anak orang kaya.
aku terpaksa berkerja menjadi guru di sebuah sekolah di kelantan.
aku tidak ada apa2 masalah dengan negeri kelantan,aku cuma tidak suka berada di situ.
aku terpaksa menghadap budak2 sekolah dan guru2nya yang ada yang aku suka,ada yang kalau dia xada pun aku peduli apa.
berlakon seperti semuanya best memang memenatkan.
aku harap aku anak orang kaya supaya aku boleh mintak bapakku beli sekolah tu dan runtuhkan bangunannya.
tapi disebabkan aku bukan la kaya sangat,mengharapkan gaji yang melampau tinggi tapi xsetimpal dengan kerja,aku kerja la jugak.
setiap hari makan gaji buta,buat kerja xada lansung keikhlasan dalam hati.
aku kerja sebab ujung bulan dapat duit,boleh pegi shopping lagi.

di sini,ingin aku nyatakan betapa aku membenci kerja yang terpaksa aku lakukan sekarang.
dah la semasa belajar pun bodoh,dah bekerja aku rasa aku jadi lagi bodoh.
setiap hari tersengih macam kerang busuk mengharapkan orang2 di sekeliling aku tidak sedar yang aku sebenarnya sedang menghitung hari untuk balik ke ipoh.

aku kadang-kadang terasa macam nak kerja di kedai runcit,atau kfc atau kerja bagi tiket tol kerana walaupun pekerjaan itu macam susah dan boring,sekurang-kurangnya aku xlah terseksa macam ni.
setiap hari aku akan fikirkan cara untuk tidak mengajar,gamabar lukisan apa yang aku ingin beri pada budak2 supaya depa warna je gambar tu,xpayah aku mengajar susah2.
adakah aku yang malas?
adakah aku yang tak sedar diuntung?
apa guna kelulusan dan kerja yang tetap sedangkan di dalam hati xada kepuasan?
betul macam mak aku cakap.
"kalau kita ni orang kaya,kau buatlah apa yang kau suka.tapi kita ni orang susah.kerja ajelah elok2.jangan bergaduh dengan orang.sabar la banyak2"
semua mak akan cakap macam tu kalau ada anak dia yang xberhenti komplen pasal kerja.
aku ni kaki komplen ke?
aku ni xreti buat kerja ke?
agaknya la kot.
setiap hari hanya tahu komplen.dan perabiskan duit.
mungkin betul kata orang,
sedarla diri sikit.
orang lain kena panjat pokok kelapa untuk cari duit.
aku hanya perlu pegi sekolah dan pura-pura mengajar,
duit dapat juga setiap bulan.
sebab aku bukan anak orang kaya.
kena la kerja.walaupun xsuka.
kalau aku kaya,aku pun xmenaip benda ni susah2.
aku upah je orang lain taipkan.

jadi kesimpulan pada cerita ini,
aku bukan anak orang kaya.
aku bukan lahir ke dunia dan hidup senang.dapat naik bmw.
aku lahir dengan bapak aku pergi kerja naik bas.
mak aku jual nasik bungkus.
tapi aku xpernah kesah.
aku xpernah marah aku xkaya.
walaupun kadang-kadang aku komplen kenapa aku xada duit mcm orang lain,
tapi last2 aku buat xreti je.
mak aku selalu cakap,
"biar xkaya,janji cerdik,hati tu mesti baik"

aku xada duit banyak.
buku ting pun ada rm10 je.
xla cerdik sangar.
sebab setiap kali aku rasa aku macam cerdik,akan ada orang sedarkan aku yang aku ni bodoh la jugak.
hati je yang kadang-kadang baik,tapi dengan keadaan sekarang,
yang kerja pun xbuat,
mengelat setiap masa,
duit gaji xberkat,
aku pun xtahu hati aku macam mana rupa dia lagi 20 tahun.
mungkin hitam macam bangkai babi kot.
apa nak buat.
aku bukan anak orang kaya.
dah la xkaya,
xcerdik,
xrajin,
xlawa.
serba kurang semuanya.
tapi ada aku peduli?
xpun.

the day i felt that breathing was almost impossible

it happens again
everytime i felt this feeling
i had to remind myself that its only temporary
that it will subside soon
that i am strong enough for this
i had to put up a brave face
pretending that i'm invincible
that nothing could ever penetrate my shield
now i realize its all crazy talk
how could i pretend
when i am merely breathing just to keep myself alive?
each breath is painful
i had to swallow back my tears and frustration
its even hard to write down these words
as i know it will bring no meaning to you
i'm tired of this game
i'm tired of being lonely and vulnerable
i'm tired pretending that i'm strong
i'm tired to convince myself that it didn't matter

you give me happiness
but you took it away in seconds
i'm so alone
though i know you said that you're with me
i pray for strength
to keep me breathing again

i know this means so little to you
i know that you don't really care
maybe we're not meant to be together
maybe i'm fighting against fate

stop hurting me
i'm trying my best to be good for you
or is it still not enough?

kenapa-hari-lambat-berjalan-bukan-sepatutnya-hari-ni-hari-khamis-ke?

wow...
boringnya...
hari sgt lambat berjalan
baby belum bgn tido lagi
malas gila nak pegi kelas
agak2 kalau xmasuk kelas darjah 1 ok x?
rasa nak balik tido
atau gi makan2

boring la tulis blog ni
bebel panjang2 tapi bubu xmau komen pun
penat je menaip
usaha xdihargai
cepatla bangun bubu
i dah boring gila ni


waaaaaaaaa.......

the day i'm back to civilization

hellooooooo people!!!!
gosh!
its been a while since i get the chance to write some new entry in this blog
been really really really busy
starting a new business
repair kereta (betul la kata my mechanic, bmw ni sekali dia nak buat perangai, berderet-deret problemnya..huuuu)
and school just started
(yep, i had to constantly remind myself that i am STILL a teacher)

this year started off quite well
besides a few hiccups here and there
(xnak komen lebih2.past is past.those who dwell in the past,life dia nnt xbest)
so far so good
business pun baru nak membunga
although barang2 untuk menanam cendawan belum sampai lagi,
but tempat semua dah ok
just waiting for the shrooms to come

i had to stop myself from babbling and rambling more on bits of my life
kena cakap hi dulu
hi baby....(hehehe..manja sungguh bunyinya)
i miss you. again.
thank you for the best school holiday i have ever had
i was with u almost everyday
and we spend more time together
thank you
i know u've been really busy with ur work
but u manage to squezee a little time for me
thanks babe
hopefully u belum boring and looking forward untuk spend time dgn i tahun ni
as u said before,
"kita ni sebab selalu jumpa,mula la nak gaduh"
hmm no comments on that
part of it was my fault
biasala mood swing sebelum bulan mengambang
remember baby
i memang macam ni.hehe.

and my car
og my god, my car.
sepanjang cuti, keep on rosak itu dan ini.
baby patiently menyalurkan sumbangan wang untuk repair kereta
thanks love.again.
(i'm so glad u're with me)
but currently, the car is in good running condition
i can easily reach jeli within 2 hours (plus plus!)
top speed : 180km/h
not bad for an old timers eh?
my baby was having so much fun driving the car around
from ipoh to kl to jeli
almost everyday during school break, he was my permanent driver.
and i should say,
u look so good driving the car baby
its like it was meant to be driven by u
u look so damn hot.hehe.excuse the language.

anyway,i'll be uploading a few pictures (finally!)
as requested from a few of my friends
and i realize my blog ni banyak bebel je
gambar satu habuk pun xde

news flash!
my babydoll is a writer!
yes peeps.
he wrote a few interesting essays on forex trading (of course!)
and i find it amusing and funny
but yet what he wrote was so true about his experiences, the market and
he gave a few helpful advices to the new traders
i can't even start on how proud i am
reading the essays
and trying to comprehend the meaning behind each piece
u make me so proud baby
keep writing and don't ever feel afraid or embarassed of a little grammar error
just as long as u keep writing those essays, it will eventually transform u to a better writer.
after reading ur essays,i am able to understand a tiny part of ur complex mind
i am able to connect with ur ideas and thoughts
thank you for giving me a chance to understand u
baby,its a privilige to be able to stand next to u.
i am blessed to know that u are mine.

right,enough of lovey-dovey stuff.
i had to remember that people are actually reading
i had to limit myself
sorry baby
kalau x,i memang nak buat blog ni tempat pemujaan u(hahahhaha)
tapi besides u, ada lagi orang2 lain yang membaca
i xnak depa muntah dengan luahan perasaan i
tapi u,nasibla
u're my baby and u had to listen to it everyday.
hehe.xpe kan baby?u xkesah kan?

okay,the moment of truth.
i do hope i keep some of the pictures i snap a few months back in the laptop.
let me browse through the files
current status: scanning for pictures...
FOUND IT!
tada..


my car with a new spoiler
it costs me rm200
spoiler plus the paint


pandangan dari tepi
i'm a proud bimmer babe!


sport rim
sumbangan ihsan from my dad
hehe.i get it for free
sport rim,tayar baru..
no charge whatsoever
life's great


memperkenalkan rokiah ronggeng!
tapi warna lampu dah xserupa
i have upgraded the lamp into hid
so lampu tu sekarang warna putih
looks really really mean
this time,sekali je flash lampu kereta lain terus ke tepi
haha sungguh berlagak
previously,i had to flash my lights a few good times until the others move
maybe because the light was not so bright
now with the hid technology,once is enough.

i had to stop writing
i just notice that people around me are working
yet i am still blogging!


mental note: somebody's about to celebrate his birthday next Tuesday..sapa la agaknya budak comel tu?

Pembinaan e36 (continued)

chill people!
i'm not abducted by aliens nor by my mum
i'm just busy redecorating my new car
enjoying my last bits of holiday with bubu

ok pause.
i'm having writer's block.
damn

WHOA IQBAL!

Wow..
four blogs and i had no clue???
wow..............

mental note: kepada UNCLE JACK WROTE "u are too stubborn.learn to listen to others (dalam kes ni I la orangnya..) It doesn't hurt to listen to others."

i'm being stupid. for the thousand time.

i wonder why i still feel sad
i thought i could sleep it off
and forget about it.
but its still root deep inside my heart
i couldn't stop my tears
it hurts so much
i tried to imagine how life will be like
i guess it won't be so bad
i'll just have to continue to pretend
how can i make him understand
how can i explain
when each time i tried to say something
i feel ashamed of myself
ashamed of my weakness
ashamed that i crave his company and his attention
while all he wants to do is work.

i am a weakling.



mental note: if u are reading this, ignore all of these. my entry semuanya sampah. its like u're reading budak umur 3 tahun punya mind. i'm shallow. don't even bother to say anything.i'll hate myself even more.

the day i'm totally speechless

this is the day that i'm totally speechless
like nothing can come out from my mouth
no argument
no sulking
no rejection
no bullshit whatsoever
i'm speechless

the reasons behind this mute-ness maybe because i didn't think it would hurt me that much.
i didn't know that in order to swallow back your own shame and tears,u can't open your mouth and spill your guts.
u won't be able to held your head high and pretend its ok.
i don't know how to react with him looking so confident presenting his case to me.
i guessed i'm too stunned.
and i'm way too sad.
i can't open my mouth.
because i'm trying to swallow back my tears.

cliche.
i'm being so typical nali.
nali yang kuat nangis
nali yang xpaham benda2
nali yang emo.

i can't fight over this.
i had nothing to lay on the table.
my hands were empty.
i'm speechless as i was typing this.
my heart hurts.
my head spins.
i need to breathe.
i'm strong.
this is nothing.

being stuck in kelantan is a great news.
nothing could have been better than that
can't even compare it to the fact that i get in his way of making money.
well.i lied.
that hurts the most.



mental note:sell the damn car.